Chapter 8: Hearing the Refrain of Heaven

"On occasion, God lovingly wraps stories of eternity into the circumstances of my life, stories that seem to say, "I was here today." When I read the first words of chapter 8, I immediately knew what I was to share.....but still procrastinated...wanting to postpone once again entering into a painful place.

This has been a difficult week. I have heard, "it's the moon, it's the weather, Mars and Venus are in retrograde, it's bad karma . I just know it's been hard. On a personal level, I have called it a "week of Mondays".  Wednesday was the seven month mark of losing the man I loved. Some days it seems like an eternity since he's been gone and other times it seems like yesterday.  But physiologically every month around the 27th, my body goes into a mode of sorrow/loss/remembrance.

I have come to believe that there are times that the Father says I am going to take these two people at this particular time and put them together. Because their being together is the best way for them to know me better and glorify me through their lives. I did not know that at the time of the relationship. All I knew is something spiritual was going on that I had never experienced before in my life in the context of a relationship.

The anticipation on the weekly drive up was incredible. Literally time seemed to fly by as I made that  trip from Huntsville to Nashville. It became the norm for us to talk many times by cell phone even during the ride up. He never hid how excited he was that I was coming to visit.  We would spend the day together and then I would drive back home from Nashville. I would have the ride home to process our enjoyable time together. Our day together would roll through my mind like a moving picture...endearing comments, words of encouragement, silly, fun times shared, etc. It was always just enough to fill up my love tank to keep me going until our next time together.

It was on one of those many trips home, the Lord reminded me that my earthly relationship was a picture of my relationship with my heavenly father. The Father reminded me that He wanted me to run to Him with anticipation of getting to know Him better, spend long periods of time with him. Then when that time alone was over He wanted me to think on all the things he had taught me while together.  Finally, that shared experience with my heavenly Father would increase my faithwalk in such a way that it would carry me until our next time when we could be alone again.

During the relationship, there were numerous pictures God gave me along the way and many more after I lost my best friend and the person I had grown to love. I was reminded that Paul wrote throughout the New Testament painting a picture of a healthy relationship between a man and woman; one which mirrored Christ love for His bride: the church. In the manner that Christ gave himself up for us, so we also are to sacrificially love and serve our mates. God afforded us the privilege on earth to enter relationally with others to bring honor and glory to Him.

I truly did not know a love like that existed here on earth. Until I had this shared experience I somehow thought, since we live in a fallen world, we just "settle" here on earth for certain norms:  does he have a decent job, what type of family does he come from, etc. What I found to be true though, as I journeyed through, this incredible experience, is that the Father wants to "wow" us. He is indescribably crazily in love with each of us...after all He made us....in His image. More than anything He wants us to know Him....His goodness and love....all of His nature and character. He will go to extreme lengths to reveal Himself to us because He has our best interest at heart and is "for" us. He knows we will be most satisfied as we walk through life depending on Him.

One day I hope to write a book expounding on the relationship principles God taught me through the brief love experience I had here on earth with a man. I found our time together and all that I gleaned to become a "plumbline" of sorts for earthly relationships with men. Amos, a minor prophet from the Old Testament described God's relationship with Israel as a plumbline...a measure of sorts for what His standard of righteousness looks like. God dealt with Israel throughout scripture in a way that was a marked difference from other nations so that we would know what a life of righteousness looks like. Then in the New Testament, we are presented with the life of Christ as the model.

This earthly relationship became a "plumbline" for me. I realized that my own ideals about relationships were skewed. God loved me enough to give me someone with skin on to paint a picture of what Christ really wants for his children, in regards to intimate relationships,  here on earth. What I learned during our short time together became the relationship standard for which I will wait should the Father choose to bless me again with the privilege of loving in this way this side of heaven.

A final picture to end this piece is the picture of servanthood. God made us to love and serve. I believe in a love relationship each partner is constantly trying to "out do" the other.  Each person is constantly thinking of the other individual's needs and how they can minister most to them.  During the last week of my dear one's life we talked daily on the phone. I knew he was ill but had no indication that his life would end. I had visited the previous Sunday and planned to be back on Saturday. On Thursday, just two days before his time here on earth ended, I received a morning text that said "I hope you have the most inspiring day ever." Servanthood never ends.  When the Father decides to take me home, may it be said, "She served others right up until the very end".

My challenge to each of you this week is to consider your relationships...whether it be intimate or friendship or both...is servanthood present, is this a person you "can't wait" to be with, is the standard of measurement in your relationship a view or picture of how Christ feels about you. If you cannot answer yes to all then ask the Father to give you a clear picture of what He wants for you and a willing heart to serve and love.

1. Read Hebrews 12: 2-3. What does it mean to consider him, so that we may not grow weary and lose heart? What is the joy set before you? Is it necessarily wrong to grieve and feel sorrow in this life?

2. Read Isaiah 53:3-4. How do you think Jesus feels toward us since he bore our sorrows and carried our grief? If he felt the pain that you feel in your deepest pain, do you think he understands you and is ready to comfort you?

Jesus is our companion in the most difficult place of our lives because he willingly bore our sorrows and carried our grief. He entered into our pain. In prayer, tell Jesus what is difficult for you and ask him to meet you at your point of need.

3. Read Revelation 21:4-5. What does this passage say there will be no more of? What hope does this give to us in our present sufferings? If you really believed what this verse says, how could that provide you joy now? What ways are you counting on this world to be the place where you will get ultimate happiness? When does the Bible say our lives will be painless? How should that change the way we live right now?

The author's prayer:

Dear precious Lord,

    Help me to remember that my greatest joy is ahead--being in eternity in the presence of my King, in a place you have prepared for me. Give me strength to endure the crosses before me, even in the pain, for what I can see in the eyes of the Lord lies ahead. Help me to yield all of my present sorrows to you in order to be freer in this life. Please help me to have this perspective of Jesus--for the joy set before me. Thank you for entering into my sorrows and for loving me. I love you. Amen.