The Rest of the Pre Wedding Story

Today's news won't wait another day. I've waited for months to pen the perfect story, one that would inspire others to keep hoping, believing, and living into their dreams. But this morning yields a new understanding of the verse, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out!" What do I want to cry out? I'M GETTING MARRIED. I've spent the last nine months pondering and treasuring all that was transpiring in my heart. Today I give you the big news! Soon, hopefully, I can share more from the heart. But know you got the scoop here first! #myheartisshouting #fromtherooftops #luke19:40#luke2:19 #turningpamturney #storyoftheday #shesgettinghitched#godisfaithful ##dreamsdocometrue

The above post appeared on social media this past week. The response has been overwhelming. Thank you for all the heartfelt wishes for my upcoming marriage. And now, for the rest of the story..

I will marry my best friend and confidant on November 12. The journey to get here has been marked with abuse, pain, and loneliness. Honestly, I had resolved, that most likely a man would not be part of my single mom life until after my children were out of school. I am glad I was wrong. I am glad my heart was open. 

I wasn't looking for a husband and Marty wasn't seeking a bride the first day he walked into my little country store Graves Grocery. He was looking for a biscuit. Country ham to be exact. The biscuit, and maybe the friendly atmosphere, brought him back. And he kept coming back. And he stayed for long periods of time. It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine he was lingering on purpose. After many weeks, he finally invited me to dinner....again and again. And now we are here.

For the last decade I've been a single mom to five children. Lawren, 24, has been married to Brandon for two years and they are seeking full time Christian missions. Mary Catherine, 22, will graduate in the Spring from UNA as a Division II National Champion Softball player. John, 18 year old senior, Hannah ,16 year old sophomore, and Thomas, 14 year old freshmen all attend the local high school and are actively involved in sports, friends, video games, and life. I wanted you to know a little about them because Marty is getting all of us.

ISN'T IT AN ABSOLUTE MIRACLE THAT A MAN WANTS TO MARRY A WOMAN WITH FIVE KIDS?

Our recent beach trip with a few extra..because more is merrier.

God is still in the miracle making business. Don't ever stop believing, hoping, or dreaming. He truly does give us the desires of our heart as we trust in Him, delight in Him, and commit our ways to Him. (Psalm 37) What miracle do you need today? Will you trust Him for it?

These past nine months of getting to know one another has been a journey of faith that I never expected. I've never known a man like Marty, one so solid in his faith...like a steady ship that sails steadfastly through the waters, eyes fixed on the prize of heaven, as he goes about life day by day. It's been a steadfastness or security that has handled the tumultuous emotions of a broken woman, failed marriage, now small business owner, and headstrong, maybe even stubborn woman.

Occasionally I was asked by well intended friends, "what are you looking for in a man?" That answer was quick and easy. I'm looking for a man sold out to Jesus so he doesn't look to me to fulfill all his needs. I'm looking for someone to enjoy the journey of life with." Marty asked me early on in our relationship, "what do you see in me?" It was easy to respond. "I see Jesus and that makes you the most attractive person in the world to me."

Turning Pam Turney...November 12, 2016

I now know why Ruth has always been my favorite bible story. For years I kept going back to it for so many reasons. First, Ruth's commitment to her mother in law Naomi, after all the men in their life died, was unwavering. It became a picture for me of our commitment to God. Secondly, I didn't want to become bitter, like Naomi, from a failed marriage. Finally, I wanted to believe that, like Ruth, God would, in His divine supernatural way, place me exactly where I needed to be, at the right time, for His man to see me, be interested, and pursue me. I tried singles groups. It was miserable. I tried online dating. It was scary and a time waster. Finally, I relented to waiting...waiting on God to move. And when he did, I chose not to give into fear. I took Him at His word and slowly learned to take Marty at his word.

One of the greatest lessons in life I have learned is that God is always working. As we faithfully go about the tasks He has before us each day, caring for those He's entrusted to us, and serving Him wholeheartedly, He is watching. 

"For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 Chronicles 16:9

We don't have to seek out love. He will bring it to us. It will be beyond your wildest dreams and more than you could ever imagine. Those aren't my promises. They are God's. (Ephesians 3:20) I love the story of David. He waited over 20 years to become King of Israel after being given the position as a teen. We see many stories of waiting in scripture....Noah, Moses, and David are just a few. I have found it is in the waiting that God is shaping our hearts, renewing our minds, and strengthening our faith to ready us for all He has for us.

Psalm 78:70-72 speak about God removing David from his day to day job to bless him with more.

He also chose David His servant

And took him from the sheepfolds

From the care of the ewes with suckling lambs He brought him

To shepherd Jacob His people,

And Israel His inheritance.

So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart

And guided them with his skillful hands

I see this story played out in my own life. As a single mom, day after day, I decide to do the right thing to work and care for my children. I take seriously the commands to train a child up in the way he should go...to disciple my children...to live out the gospel in my home. God has blessed my meager fish and loaves and afforded me the privilege of running a small business in my community. He has grown the business over the past three years. And NOW He has brought me a Boaz, a man to join my story of redemption by loving and caring and committing himself to me.

It will take the rest of my  life to wrap my head around this. But I plan to savor every moment of it.

Whatever you are waiting for, as a believer, know that your heavenly father is watching. He sees the desires of your heart because He gave them to you. Keep trusting, keep believing, and keep waiting. 

GREATER IS COMING.

The wait has been so worth it.

No longer waiting,

Pam

I wasn't looking for a husband and Marty wasn't seeking a bride the first day he walked into my little country store Graves Grocery. He was looking for a biscuit. The best I recall it was country ham to be exact. The biscuit, and maybe the friendly atmosphere, brought him back. And he kept coming back. And he stayed for long periods of time. It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine he was lingering on purpose. After many weeks, he finally invited me to dinner....again and again. And now we are here. You will have to read more of the story online from my blog found at www.gravesgrocery.com

I wasn't looking for a husband and Marty wasn't seeking a bride the first day he walked into my little country store Graves Grocery. He was looking for a biscuit. The best I recall it was country ham to be exact. The biscuit, and maybe the friendly atmosphere, brought him back. And he kept coming back. And he stayed for long periods of time. It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine he was lingering on purpose. After many weeks, he finally invited me to dinner....again and again. And now we are here. You will have to read more of the story online from my blog found at www.gravesgrocery.com

I wasn't looking for a husband and Marty wasn't seeking a bride the first day he walked into my little country store Graves Grocery. He was looking for a biscuit. The best I recall it was country ham to be exact. The biscuit, and maybe the friendly atmosphere, brought him back. And he kept coming back. And he stayed for long periods of time. It didn't take a rocket scientist to determine he was lingering on purpose. After many weeks, he finally invited me to dinner....again and again. And now we are here. You will have to read more of the story online from my blog found at www.gravesgrocery.com

For Singles on the Day Meant For Couples

This story's been brewing for a while. I mean how do you write about a love that's incomprehensible. How does one pen the unsearchable treasure of a love that knows no limits...is unconditional and reaches into the corners of souls. It's to be experienced but I long to share that experience with you.

It seems odd, as a single woman and mother, that Valentines is one of my favorite holidays. The day seems deemed for couples to find that special outing, gift, or experience. Gifts are not my love language. Yet, when you are filled up with the loving greatness of God, it has to be poured out.

The love filling, a lifetime Valentine, has been an ongoing filling as I journey through life. Yet, there have been seasons where it comes freely and fully to the point of overflowing. This most recent awakening to God's love began at the end of November.

Having reviewed my calendar to mentally prepare for what was ahead with the holidays, I became aware that between my three teenager athletes left at home, we had 22 ballgames in 18 days. I didn't find one thing spiritual about that so I took my heart to my heavenly Father.

"Trust in him at all times, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8"

I ask God to help me over the next 22 days as Advent was welcomed. I asked specifically that He show me one thing every day, besides a ball game, that gave me a glimpse of Him affording me the opportunity to worship. I enjoy basketball but I longed for something different to prepare my heart for the holidays...a meeting with the heavenlies, outside a gym that was either beautiful or meaningful. I wasn't prepared for the outpouring of His answer. But it was truly an Advent revelation that filled my heart. Here are just a few touches of the Master's hand during Advent....all because I asked.

He allowed me to run across an old leather bound notebook that belonged to my Grandmother. I loved pouring over the pages of what was important to her: food, recipes, and a Christmas list for her family!

Saturday Breakfast with Lawren, my oldest, at the Lumberyard

Thomas, my youngest, helping decorate the store for Christmas.

Finished product!

Surprised by Mary...Arab City Park at Christmas

It wasn't all bad:) especially when the newspaper captures a great pic!

I've been waiting to share this for a while. I considered titles like "The 22 games of Christmas" ,"The 12 Days of Christmas...not". Yet, as I continue to ponder what transpired, it seems Valentines Day is a fitting as any to brag on my heavenly Father.

How are you experiencing the tangible love of God? For many, like me, there isn't a husband to be affirmed by here with skin on at least. Will you consider God to be your husband? His word says it is so. That settles it for me. Will it settle it for you?

"In that day", declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'....Hosea 2:16

Happy Valentines Day friend. May you know the love of God today in the deepest recesses of your being.

Love,

Pam

It's Good to Know Where You Are Headed

Whether you are headed to the grocery or church knowing how you will get there is quite helpful. I am reminded of a quote that's stuck over the years:

FAIL TO PLAN, PLAN TO FAIL

When I became a mother, I needed a plan. My growing up years had not included alot of time around infants or toddlers. I managed to live a fairly self centered life. About the time I came to the end of  myself, through many trials, toils, and fears, I found myself a mother to a living being who needed me for everything.

Within a couple of years I was expecting again.

At a  loss for what to do with these little people God entrusted to me I found myself depressed and even angry at times. I was isolated and ill equipped to handle such a big responsibility. We muddled through the first few years of life with family but I longed for something more. I just didn't know what. Something deeper for my children. It was about then I reached out to an old college friend who sent me to the nearest bible study. She recognized the signs that I was in need of community and time with God.

Getting into God's word opened my heart and mind to hearing from the Lord personally and better understanding the nature and character of God. Our family had decided to homeschool so I was in more need of community than ever. A friend at bible study introduced me to the  Clarkson's Educating the Whole Hearted Child. The discipleship model of parenting resonated with  my spirit and freed me from the burdens of legalism imposed on me by my own mind and well intended others.

The next 15 years included yearly Mom Heart Conferences, recent summer intensives, and the birthing of local mom heart groups to encourage and equip one another. What I didn't expect to transpire was a failed marriage and the onset of becoming a single working mother of five children.

I needed a new plan. But I didn't need a new God. The heavenly father that I had been cultivating a relationship with carried me, sustained me, and gave me new hope for ALL of His promises to still be true in spite of my new marital status.

I'm so grateful the truths afforded me by my mentor Sally Clarkson rang true during the most difficult season of my life. Because my faith journey had grown leaps and bounds over the past decade God equipped me through His word, His body, and His Spirit to walk through this very hard and dark place.

Maybe you are walking through a difficult time.

Maybe you are struggling with a wayward child.

Maybe you are beaten down by your past.

Maybe you need help with your plan.

Whatever your circumstances, I believe you will be encouraged by attending the upcoming Mom Heart conference in Illinois. It would be my honor to meet you as I share from my heart

 "Can Broken Stories Have Happy Endings?"

Come and meet several of my friends, strong women of faith, who haven't had an easy life but serve a great God. We look forward to meeting you the first weekend of November.

Find out more information about the conference here: www.amomsheartinil.com

Single Mom Sabbath: When God stops you dead in your tracks.

During the years of counseling prior to my divorce, I remember asking one counselor over the phone if there was anything I was missing. I asked her if there was something I was blind to that I was not addressing.

As my marriage appeared to be failing, my only concern was disobeying God. I had tasted the pleasure of living in obedience...I had come to a place of realizing even if I could please no one else on the face of the earth I could please the living God.

My counselor answered with fear and trepidation (no one can give you permission to divorce). It's a faith journey between you and God. Lisa answered,  "Pam, you are an overcomer. You have persevered through childhood trauma of alcoholism, abuse, and much more. You have the strength to persevere through much but I think that strength might be working against you."

Because I am a persevering person I remain in difficult situations longer than some because of the hope I have in Christ that He is a miracle making God. Then there are the times, like this past Thursday, when He stops me dead in my tracks because He can't get my attention any other way.

I woke up at 2 am Friday morning with severe chest pain. It was as though someone had their hand around my heart as was squeezing it. After prayerful consideration I woke my daughter Mary Catherine up and requested a ride to the ER.

After 12 hours of questions, tests, and blood work, I was diagnosed as heart healthy. The stress test operator actually affirmed that, for an asthmatic, I performed outstanding.

Only once before has God used my health to get my attention. I had been ill with respiratory issues, job stress, and other single working mom woes for a full six months. I was driving back from Atlanta at the end of Spring Break with a fever I couldn't break. As Hannah, my fourteen year old,  sat next me I realized I could not continue with the current stressful job situation. I simply was unable to care well for the children God entrusted to me.

Upon returning home I began a forty day fast to seek the Lord. It was another act of obedience to my pastor and exhortation from my oldest daughter Lawren. Our church pastor had called a fast for our body. But it was my belief single moms need to eat often everyday in order to survive. I chose something other than food to fast from but fasted nonetheless.

Since I didn't have a particular request from God at the time, when tempted to break the fast, I simply prayed, "Lord, I want to know you more."

My body was too fatigued from the illness to worry about my future. I knew the truth that it was in God's hands. He was faithful to provide and would continue to be true to His character.

At the end of the fast, I could never have imagined the opportunity God would open for our family. He provided us with a small business in our community that has become a place of ministry to others: 

Graves Grocery: A Community Reststop.

A Place to Satisfy your Hunger and your Heart

Our little resting place. Thank you God.

June will make two years of being a small business owner. It is the most rewarding job I have ever had and satisfies my desire to be available for my children anytime. They stop by before and after school to eat. Often I even get to feed their friends.  It was what I loved during the years I could stay at home and homeschool my children. Even though God closed that season of my life He faithfully afforded a creative way for me to continue to minister to my children even though I had to return to work outside the home....I believe it was all because I fasted.

So today I officially begin a new fast as we enter into Holy Week. The prophet Isaiah in chapter 58 spoke on fasting to the people of Israel who were getting it wrong:

"Shout! A full-throated shout! Hold nothing back-a trumpet-blast shout! Tell my people what's wrong with their lives, face my family Jacob with their sins! They're busy, busy, busy, at worship, and love studying about me. To all appearances they're a nation of right-living people--law abiding, God-honoring. They ask me, "What's the right thing to do?' and love having me on their side. But they also complain, 'Why do we fast and you don't look our way? Why do we humble ourselves and you don't even notice? "Well, here's why: "The bottom line on your "fast days" is profit. You drive your employees much too hard. You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight. You fast, but you swing a mean fist. The kind of fasting you do won't get your prayers off the ground. Do you think this is the kind of fast I'm after: a day to show off humility? To put on a pious face and parade solemnly in black? Do you call that fasting, a fast day that I, God, would like?" 

My pastor says God is telling them they are all saturated with themselves...they are not restoring others. I don't want to be known as a person like that. So today I fast because God's stopped me dead in my tracks and I don't want to miss what He's trying to tell me...or what He's got waiting for me at the end. I want to fast like this:

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will be turned on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down and out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in the sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.'

So, as my friends tell me to rest more, I won't ignore their cry. I am making intentional changes to my diet. I am backing up my bedtime by an hour. 

Yet, I can not stop being who I am created to be in Christ:  a woman called to love and serve her family and others God's placed in my path. I will walk in the truth that the stripes He bore on Calvary have healed me of earthly diseases. I will believe He has given me a great capacity to love others because His love resides in me. I am His. He is mine. (John 15:4)  

And as I fast, I will wait patiently for Him to reveal Himself to me, like the prophet Habakkuk, will wait with anticipation.

Will you consider how this Holy Week you might hear from God. Normally I would never even admit I was fasting...it sounds pompous. Yet, I am finding many who struggle with basic knowledge of spiritual disciplines.

A fast, is a spiritual discipline to draw us closer to the Lord. It is not a requirement of God but an opportunity to know God better. Matthew 6:16-18

 When some are introduced to a concept of fasting they lack understanding that the fast is a personal journey with a loving heavenly father. So here's mine. This month I will fast from refined sugar and processed foods. I know it's a small change I can make to live healthier. When I am tempted to grab a Snicker's mini bar, I will say, "Lord, I want to know you more." And I will rely on His strength to keep walking pass the candy jar.

Your's will probably look totally different. Maybe you need a break from social media, drinking, shopping, etc. But will you choose something?

I can't wait to share what God reveals and hope you will do the same.

Happy Holy Week. 

Love, Pam

 

 

Single Mom Sabbath

Today marks something new in my writing arena: my attempt to reach single moms with a word of encouragement and inspiration. It is my desire to blog weekly about some of the joys and hardships I've faced the last decade as a single working mother of five. I would especially like to write about how I have found rest as a single mom. Meet the kids and me: 

Left to right: Mary Catherine 20, Hannah Rose 14, John Jay 16, Thomas 12, Lawren 23

This was Christmas Day and we were too lazy to figure out how to set up the camera to include my  new son in law Brandon, who took the picture for us...but stay tuned...He' a dear.  Oh let me at least go ahead and show you a picture of the two love birds:

Mr. and Mrs. Brandon Johnson

Ok, now you know the family...or at least can put a face to a name when I share about them.

After returning last week from a national mom heart conference and speaking to so many beautiful moms who were either in difficult marriages themselves, recently divorced, or trying to determine how best to minister to a hurting friend God placed in their path, I felt it a good time to begin to share from my own pain to possibly help others. 

Tonight I want to expound on the idea of "rest", which can seem like an oxymoron to a single mom. Yet, I'm not talking about necessarily a physical rest but a rest in our spirit from the turmoil of life.

In Matthew 11:28-30 we find the command to rest:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

If a command exists because we are burdened then we must believe Jesus knew we would be weary and burdened as mommas. His yoke we are instructed to take and learn from refer to His teachings. Again the command is given to "take" the yoke or teachings. If we are going to "take" something then action is required on our part.

This is why I make the necessary adjustments in my family's life to attend the annual Mom Heart conference each year. I want to take Jesus teachings I receive there because I have learned when I embrace Christ teachings I find rest for my spirit.

I met Christina, another  mom in the process of divorce after attending conferences for over a decade of feeling somewhat isolated as a divorcee. After having the opportunity to share at the conference, Christina found me and we spent the next two hours in the hallway sharing heartache and prayer to continue to rely on God for strength.

God has kept our hearts united via social media and we recently met up again in Dallas.  Meet my lovely friend Christina, former flight attendant...now primary grade teacher and single mom to two precious girls.

I am questioned every year upon returning about my trip. So imagine this: we look for friendships in life with women who value what we value and model a life of faith. In this world if we find a handful of those women as friends, we are blessed. Yet, each year, at the conference, you are in a room with 700 plus women who love God deeply and desire to edify Him through their family...whatever that looks like regardless of your education venue, number of children, denomination, or professional work choices. It is a filling like none other the entire year.

That's why we make the logistical, financial, and time sacrifices to go. Because we believe God's word to be true and take Him at His word. He tells us to rest by taking His teachings so we believe and act on our belief.

A faith walk always requires action on our part. Will you believe you are God's treasured possession today because that's what He says about you. Will you take the action necessary to rest your spirit. A conference in another state might not work right now for you. But today, especially with online bible studies, the opportunities are endless to take God at His word. Take His teachings and receive rest.

I hope you will share below How you are fleshing out these things in your faith walk...and how you are experiencing the rest of God in  your life.

I look forward to hearing from you and sharing with you again soon. Please share these words with any of your single momma friends.

Love,
Pam