For When You Feel Desperate

There have been periodic times in my life that I have felt nothing less than desperate.

Those times have encompassed the spectrum from all five kids having the stomach bug at the same time to a failed marriage and everything in between.

It seems like I lived my life to please others, constantly jumping through the necessary hoops for acceptance, approval, and identity. I've done it with my kids. I did it in my past marriage. And in another life I did it through relationships.

Furthermore, I have felt desperate to be married again...

Desperate for sleep..

Desperate for companionship...

Desperate for support...

It was even a feeling of desperation that led me to Dallas, Texas fourteen years ago, as I entered the world of homeschooling. I was desperate for direction, resources, and support.

What I encountered was the beginning of a fourteen year journey with my creator God. I became a disciple of Sally Clarkson, the Mom Heart mentor.

For the past fourteen years, Sally, along with her gifted speakers, have gently guided mothers, including myself with practical resources and kind encouragement as we journey in a role as mothers. But the main principle prevailing every talk and every conference has been based on the nature and character of God.

Because Sally has spent thousands of hours studying God's word, the truth of who He is and what He says to me..about me..pours through her.

It has been abundantly clear throughout the years that nothing other than the power of God in our lives and us embracing the truths of God will meet the feelings of desperation we all experience as women in our unique life circumstances.

Although God has afforded me the privilege of a personal friendship with Sally, these truths are available to anyone who desires to resolve their feelings of desperation. Sally has written numerous books, which can be found at www.wholeheart.org

However, today's time is about her most recent work, written along with Sarah Mae, a new fresh voice I look forward to meeting in Raleigh.

Find out more at www.desperatemom.com

For me, the sweetest part of the story includes a small writing part, from me, addressed at the end of the book especially for single moms! (pg.213-214)  If anyone had ever told me that my words would be included in a book that is on the first page of www.barnesandnoble.com or as of yesterday was #54 on www.amazon.com I would not believe it to be true.

Recently I listened to a sermon by Louie Giglio who stated the following point:

"The trajectory of your life is not determined by your present circumstances"

How true for this sweet venture I get to be a part of.

I am 46, a single working mom of 5 children, technically backwards, and understand little of social media.

But I have prayed this week that God would do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine to get this book out there to moms, who were as desperate as I was fourteen years ago. So they, too, can know their maker, and walk confidently in their roles at home.

 He has faithfully heard my prayer, in spite of my lack of computer literacy, and done immeasurably more than we could have asked or imagine.

I pray you will be encouraged by my writing below and know that my God can be your God and meet you in your desperate place as well....Buy your copy today!

A Special Note to Single Moms

"I believe single moms are especially loved by God. He is with you and will support you as you look to him and will work secretly in the hearts of your sweet children, because they, too, are loved by him.
It is my prayer than many of you will find a mentor to love and support you in your challenging and unique calling, so that you will not have to walk this road alone. One of my very dear friends Pam Graves is a single mom who has modeled such faith, grace, and strength over the years and I have asked her to share some of her thoughts about being a single mom."

-Sally

"Because I grew up in a divorced home and knew firsthand the pain associated as a child from a single parent home, I did not plan on being divorced or becoming a  single working mom of five children. Yet, when spiritual matters go unattended in one's life, patterns tend to repeat themselves.
I can honestly say my five children are "standing on my shoulders" are are shaking up the communities where they land, whether it be public school for the  youngest three, college sports for my second born daughter, or my oldest daughter who is presently en route to Berlin, to answer the call to missions.
My sweet nest climbed onto my shoulders as I desperately cried out to the Lord to make me a change factor in our family heritage. I still hold fast to the promises of my Maker that he will complete the good work he began in both me and my children.
There are ongoing battles of depression, loneliness, exhaustion, and character shaping in both my own life and my children. As I give every concern to my Heavenly Father, and press into God in the hard places, he is ever so faithful to meet me and my family in the desperate places, giving grace and lovingkindness to each of us in unique ways that reflect his nature and character.
It can be easy to allow our circumstances to define us: "single," "working mom," "divorced." Even worse, we can buy into the lie that the world judges us because of our circumstances. Whether you are single, divorced, or married, it is imperative to fight the enemy who tries to tear us down.
And we fight, like David, with the power of God's word. God defines us as an inherent treasure that he loved to the point of death. It's the same love we feel about our children. We fight through every battle, insecurity, deception, and fear that they too may know not only how much we love them but also the God of the universe is rooting for them.
Our kids are counting on us. I want to leave a lasting legacy of love and service."

When What Drives You Changes

Recently I wrote a blogpost for Mom Heart about our three gift tradition at Christmas. You can read more about it here: http://www.momheart.org/?s=three+gift+tradition

However this year I did not find my marathon shopping day as enjoyable as usual. It was not a sense of dread but more of duty. We have established these traditions and I must follow through. While that is a good character quality, diligence, I sensed a loss of passion.

Upon revisiting my study of 1st John, I believe I understand why:

In chapter 2 verses 15-17, the apostle John draws a comparison between those of the world and the people of God.

The qualities of those of this world are quite lengthy but make no bones about it:

the love of the Father is not in them

they struggle with lust of flesh

and lust of the eyes

and the boastful pride of life

they do not know their Father

they are passing away

While those belonging to God...

do the will of God

live forever

Pretty simple.  I need simplicity in the New Year. I do not need stress, complications, overwhelming situations, like lines and mass merchandise.

I am a mom. I desire to be available physically, emotionally, and spiritually, which is already a challenge as a single, working mom.

I want to give my kids gifts, and I want to enjoy the process of getting the gifts for them, wrapping, and presenting them.  It is my desire to please my children and celebrate the birth of Christ.

However, recognizing my limitations as a woman who struggles with fatigue and aging, I plan to shop online next year.

I am trusting that will simplify my life and allow me to keep the main thing the main thing..

doing the will of God

living forever

What challenges are you facing that might cause you to question whether you belong to the world or to the people of God. I do not believe we can lose our salvation. Yet, I believe often things of the world will pull on us. Consequently, we make choices that bring our character into question.

How can you simplify your life today for the New Year to keep the main thing the main thing.

With Love,

Pam

A Send Off Letter for Someone Special

Tomorrow my dear friend Amanda will board for her flight to Kampala. Although I long to travel alongside her, this time I am only able to provide a send off.

Amanda, the Aggie’s Arts guru on this side of the Atlantic will spend the next week and half with Simon, Aggie, and their family as well as our sweet ladies from Banda, our Aggie’s Arts ladies. The beadmakers who work tirelessly making jewelry to provide for their families will work together to finalize ministry plans during Simon and Aggie’s furlough.

I love that I am part of a body that takes care of details. We intend to keep these women’s ministries going while our missionaries are resting.

A little over four months ago, a team travelled to Kampala, Uganda for a two- week ministry trip. 

          

Below, is a portion of my journal entry from our unique time in Banda:

Monday, August 27, 2012

We are back from our longest day of ministry. I thought Kisoro would be my favorite part but today proved to be so very rewarding.

We started out to Banda, a slum area, around nine this morning. I was to have the responsibility of teaching the ladies while Keith taught the men. The remainder of the team was to work with the kids.

We were expecting about 50 but as we drove into the slum, there were easily more than 100 just in eyeshot.

We passed the quarry as we climbed the hill into Banda, with the city behind and below us. The Lord brought the song from Bible Study Fellowship preschool program to mind:

   

“There’s a green hill far away

without a city wall.

Where the dear Lord was crucified.

He died to save us all.”

While waiting to unload, I found the passage from Matthew 5:14:

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill which cannot be hidden.”

I sensed the ladies needed to hear how much God cared, called, and challenged them. The verses from Isaiah, which I have put to memory over the past year, were the verses I shared with them.

Isaiah 41:9b-10

“You are my servant

I have chosen you

And not rejected you

Do not fear for I am with you

I will strengthen you and help you

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

There is something special about reading a line of a passage slowly then having it interpreted into 2 languages. It is quite impacting.

Isaiah 45:3

“I will give you hidden treasures

Riches stored in secret places

So that you may know

I am the God of Israel

Who summons you by name.”

Then I talked to them a few minutes about suffering. I shared that I believe God allows suffering for two reasons:

One: to draw us into dependency on the Lord

Two: To conform us to the image of Christ Romans 8:29

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken

And the hills be removed

Yet my unfailing love for you

Will not be shaken

Nor my covenant of peace

Be removed from you

Says the Lord

Who has compassion on you.”

I shared from Isaiah 55: 8-10 as well encouraging the women to CIRCLE the promises of God literally in their bible or hide the words in their heart, to stand firm, and remain faithful to God.

Then I shared the “City on a Hill” picture the Lord gave me as we drove in that morning.

Unfortunately there was no time between sharing and setting up for the eye clinic.  Truly I did not believe the people would ever stop coming.

                                

Once a person was fitted for reading glasses, they were distributed. It was then they were sent for the sharing of the gospel and prayer. Here is my oldest son John Jay sharing the gospel.

I was paired with Rose, one of the Aggie’s Arts ladies, as an interpreter. She had also interpreted alongside Aggie as I shared earlier with the women. Here we are with my oldest daughter Lawren.

There were two ladies who came together for glasses. I believe God sent them specifically to encourage me, which I was later able to share with the team.

The ladies said we were an answer to prayer and shared with me:

Proverbs 19:17

“One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the Lord,

And will repay him for his good deed.”

They said they had prayed and waited on these glasses and further prayed that God would bless us. They would now be able to see to do their detail work better.  The overwhelming joy for just a small gesture was unbelievable.

My faith has grown to see these people suffer so greatly yet remain so very joyful.

When we stopped the eye clinic, we were able to shop among the Aggie’s Arts ladies.

So it is my desire for you readers to know where our Amanda is going. 

She is going to Banda, a slum area of Kampala, Uganda.

The Light of the World

A City on A Hill Which Cannot be Hidden

So while we covet your prayers for Amanda and her precious family holding the fort down at home, WE KNOW SHE IS IN GOOD HANDS.

Light bearer at home,

Pam

The Power of Life Giving Words

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important",

were the words spoken to the precious child entrusted to the maid in the movie The Help. Unlike the mother, the housekeeper/nannie knew the potential of the child and spoke truth to her daily. Although the grammar may be bad, the power of speaking life into another  human being can be an enormous change factor.

In First John 2:7-14, the apostle as well speaks life affirming words to the believers. In verse 12, the address begins:

"I write to you, dear children, 

because your sins have been forgiven 

on account of His name.

I write you, fathers,

because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men (women),

because you have overcome the evil one.

I write to you, dear children,

because you have known the Father.

I write to you fathers,

because you have known him who is from

the beginning.

I write to you, young men (women),

because you are strong,

and the word of God lives in you,

and you have overcome the evil one."

The more time I spend with the Lord, I am convinced He desires for me to walk victoriously regardless of my circumstances because I have overcome the evil one and am strong because the word of God...a person...Jesus Christ lives in me. (In the beginning was the word. The word was with God and the word was God. He was in the beginning with God. John1:1-2)

I'm not thinking He wants me to push Jesus down anyones throat because He has kindly revealed Himself to me. Yet, I do believe He is looking for me to walk in quiet, confident trust and dependency because He has shown me the truth, even when my emotions have me riding a roller coaster. Fatigue and grief are two that attack me regularly.

What areas might the Father be asking you as well to depend on Him for?

How do the truths of these life giving words in this passage empower you to walk through your present difficulties?

I would love to hear from you!

Love, 

Pam

Who Needs An Advocate In The New Year

I know I will mess up alot this year. Hopefully less than last year. But what encourages me the most about the new year is the following truth:

I have an advocate, someone pleading in my behalf.

As believers, we all have Christ as our advocate.

In 1 John chapter 2, John writes, "My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."

I believe John wants us to know sin is not a necessary component of the Christ life. Yet, because we live in a broken world and struggle daily here, he knows we will. So his very next sentence, gently reminds us,

"Hey, even though you don't have to sin, I know it will happen. But here's the good news: Christ is already pleading on your behalf....that sin is already taken care of by me...Christ."

Furthermore, as a woman of God, I believe the apostle John is telling me, just like Christ told the woman at the well, now because you have experienced me.... go and sin no more.

I am blown away personally by how God wants me to know Him. How available He is to speak to me intimately at any time I quiet my soul and seek Him through His word.

Will 2013 be a time when you get to know God more..

experience Him advocating for you

and respond to Him as advocate by going and

sinning no more

Sin is a hard word to write about. No one likes to be called out on their sin. In my world, as well as the apostle John's, belief was paramount to experiencing God. In other words, might our lack of experiencing God be a result of some form of unbelief, known also as sin.

Even today I wrestled with unbelief regarding living my single mom life. 

Gently, the Father reminded me that although my life may be filled with good deeds and righteous acts, I struggle with belief that He will give me the desires of my heart regarding a mate.  The struggle to believe that He really is big enough to solve the dilemma of a single mom with five children is ongoing.

 Yeah, I know, it even sounds kinda lame here as I write. I mean He did part the Red Sea.

But I do struggle and my unbelief is sin. 

The beautiful reality though is that He has that sin covered and pleads on my behalf as my advocate in spite of my unbelief.

 He loves me enough to show me my sin, allowing me to confess and experience Him more fully.

My prayer  is that 2013 will be full of such times for you as well as me. And I would love to hear about them here.

Love,

Pam

The Danger of Comparison

The use of comparison can be helpful often when making big decisions....like purchasing a car, deciding on a college, or even what stereo system you want for Christmas.

However, as women, I know we often use comparison of ourselves to other women to measure how we are doing? This is especially true if someone comes upon some success. It is easy to wonder, "what am I doing wrong?"

Or on the other end of the spectrum, we see someone struggling and in comparison end up feeling pretty puffed up about ourselves who are making it fine in that arena.

I heard this advice once about comparing ourselves to others:

"When we compare ourselves to others we either end up with feelings of inadequacy or an air of superiority."

Here at Christmas we talk and hear about Jesus being the light of the world.

In 1 John 1:5-10, we find a healthy comparison of light and darkness, which indicates who God is.

Light

God is light...

when we walk in light we have fellowship with God

and we have fellowship with one another

and the blood of Jesus cleanses me from sin

Darkness

God is not darkness

When we walk in darkness we have no fellowship with God or one another

and we are in deception

and His word is not in this person

and we are in denial of sin

 we say they have no sin so truth is not in them

Won't you this Christmas season realize who God is..That truly He is the light of the world. 

And should you find yourself in a comparison mindset this holiday season, make sure you are comparing those things that make an eternal diference.

Blessings,

Pam

Complete Joy...How to have it!

The disciple John was passionate for those around him to walk in truth. We share that same passion. In the wake of a time when senseless tragedy occurs, we ask the question "why?"

I believe I will finish my life with the answer, "because someone did not the truth." This is not a post about Friday's tragedy, or mental illness, or guns, but about sharing the truth with others.

I do have opinions about all three areas, but I want to remain intentional about the truth of God's word.

I have found that knowing the nature and character of God as revealed through His word equips me to remain steady in the wake of tragedy or simply a hard place in life.

 In 1st John, chapter one, the disciple Jesus loved went even further to say, knowing truth would yield

COMPLETE JOY

Isn't that what we all want? Joy?

From verses 1-4 of chapter one:

As the disciples walked and learned from Jesus by spending time with Him and determining the truth...he is the WORD OF LIFE, we too can know Him better by spending time with Him.

As the disciples proclaimed Christ to others, we too can proclaim Christ to others.

Then the equation presents itself from the passage:

Spending time in God's word + Proclaiming God = 

Complete Joy

Tonight we will celebrate at Lacey's Spring United Methodist Church in Lacey's Spring, Alabama the giving out of God's word and the proclaiming of God through a sweet Christmas story and song.

I suspect we will all have complete joy by the time the night is over.

Each week Mom Heart Lacey meets to equip moms and children to know God through biblical storytelling, great children's literature, and practical life skills.

It is the desire of Mom Heart that no mother or child in our community ever feel alone or not know the truth of God's love.

Our gift tonight to the church is a way of saying "thank you" for opening your doors to our families for the giving out of truth each week.

If your life lacks joy, what changes will you make to spend more time with God and to proclaim Him through the gifts and abilities He has already given you.

Rather than wait for a New Year's resolution, decide to today to have more joy and take the steps to find complete joy.

Struggling with apathy, grace to you...ask God for a willingness to know Him more.

He has a wonderful way of coming to us as we are...come Lord Jesus.

Love and JOY,

Pam