Two years later...it's easier to breathe

Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of the tragic death of the man I loved. 

In the beginning there were days that I did not think I could breathe.

Physiologically, there was something in my body that would go off around 2:30 every afternoon when our daily phone call after my work shift occurred.

For almost a year, around the 27th of each month, again my body responded physically to the ongoing loss.

I often wondered how I would commemorate each year after his leaving this world.

Last March 27th I was in Dalton, Georgia's hospital loving on my Mary Catherine, who incurred an extreme injury the day before playing softball. As I ushered in a year of loss, MC laid in pain from a torn spleen, bruised kidney, and a pneumothorax, a small tear in her lung. I know.... right.

At day's end, as I pondered my state, I knew I was honoring my memory in the best way...loving on my  kids. It would have been right where he would have me were he still here.

This year I am more hopeful than ever and breathing not only easier but deeper as the Father continues to fill my soul with His love and goodness. Yesterday, I tried to slow down to reflect almost feeling guilty for feeling such joy.

But the truth is God is healing me, growing me, and expanding my borders.

 So, after a long day at work, I  ushered in year two watching my tall-man John Jay hit the winning run in to win last night's baseball game.

What I am learning is that love multiplies. Spiritually, I remain connected to my lost love here on earth as he continues to cheer me on from heaven....I am constantly surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses. He continues to be my number one fan and greatest encourager.

Although he is not here physically, my experience two years ago has afforded me deep and meaningful friendships with people so dear to my love. I have gained mommas and children to love on in His physical absence to honor him and our shared time well.

Furthermore, because our time together was truly a time when God taught me about His incredible love for me, it has filled my soul in such a way that it bursts to be poured out onto others. So...what has that looked like?

Well, it has included Mom Heart small groups, weekly and monthly, Christmas outreaches with the local YMCA afterschool care program, local retreats and national conferences.
But that's not all...

There are two enormous opportunities in front of me...all a result of loving, being loved, and going deeper into the love of God.

First, a Mom Heart launch is on the horizon this fall at our local elementary school. There will be potential opportunity to push back the darkness in our community by loving on moms and their children through children's literature, and gospel storytelling.

And finally, on a larger note, which I still can't get my head or heart wrapped around...and I not sure I ever will...

I will travel this August, alongside, two of my children...Lawren, my firstborn daughter, and John Jay, my firstborn son. We will be serving in Kampala, Uganda as well as Kisoro where our church sponsors 40 children to attend schools in the area.

My arena of ministry appears to be speaking to moms on the biblical design of motherhood to three churches in the Kisoro area.

So, today, two years later I must feel like John, the disciple did, when he wrote, "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

How is He stretching your heart today to love more deeply and fully. I would love to hear from you!