Last night the Christmas tree fell. I was in one of those deep sleep times that come only rarely. My heavy heart welcomed the rest. So, when I am awakened by a combination of water pouring all over the living room floor and the crash of the tree, my heart picks right back up on the sadness and feelings of despair.
I am only worried about the fragile hand painted egg ornament given to me by my bible study leader eleven years ago when Hannah was born as a babygift. In the most delicate artistry, painted is a baby in a cradle with a beautiful array of color and the scripting from Matthew...let the little children come to me...Hannah's First Christmas 2000. It is the only ornament every year that gets its own special box and tissue paper. My prayer is that Hannah can always have her egg as a keepsake. Lawren, my 19 yr old, who has been awakened as well, finds the egg resting sweetly in a chair atop of a pile of unfolded laundry.
We have mice....and not Christmas mice...at least two of them...one that hangs out in the kitchen area and another that stays in the back of the house. It is so bad that the bedroom mouse made a nest in my son's dresser drawer and ate a hole in his Ocean City, Maryland lifeguard shirt. The critter had to pick a fave shirt:(
I pay Cooks $31 a month for pest control. That's $372 a year on a single mom's budget. I don't feel as though this fee should require I scout out mice poison from Wal-Mart and I do not care for cats. So today I will call Cooks AGAIN but I will most likely stop for pellets because I am feeling so desperate in general and need to be rid of the mice. The story about them being friends with Hannah's hampster Squirt just isn't washing anymore.
I had to work a twelve hour day yesterday after a ten hour day on Monday. I am tired.
Forgot to mention the dishwasher leaks...in a family of six that is crisis overload. We eat alot and often. The struggle to be green sets in and I refuse to purchase paperplates but the kids are not stepping up to help wash dishes, saying, "that's not my chore". I try to talk to them about honor and consideration and they look at me like I am an alien. TODAY I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN...A NON VISIBLE WOMAN who feels completely alone.
Oh yeah, and one of my closest friends has recently moved to Arizona...ARIZONA for goodness sake...across the country. She is the one whose shoulder I cry on over coffee, the one just one step ahead of me in parenting and grace who listens, cries too, and encourages me. AND NOW SHE IS NOT HERE.
I am sure these are issues that shepherd boy/King/man after God's own heart David never dealt with. He was too busy running from enemies, sleeping in fields, fighting his battles and leading his men.
Yet, the emotional gamut that runs through our souls as we walk through life parallel each other.
May I, like David, finish the day in praise:
Litany of Praise (based on David's Psalm 105)
How great is my God, and how I love to sing His praises.
Whereas I am often frightened when I think about my future, and confused and disturbed by the rapidly changing events about me,
My heart is secured and made glad when I remember how He has cared for me throughout the past.
When I was brought forth from my mother's womb,
God's hand was upon me.
Through parents and people who cared,
He loved me and sheltered me and set me upon His course for my life.
Through illness and accident
My God has sustained me.
Around pitfalls and precipices
He has safely led me.
When I became rebellious an struck out on my own,
He waited patiently for me to return.
When I fell on my face in weakness and failure,
He gently set me upon my feet again.
He did not always prevent me from hurting myself,
but He took me back to heal my wounds.
Even out of the broken pieces of my defeats,
He created a vessel of beauty and usefulness.
Through trials and errors, failures and successes, my God has cared for me.
From infancy to adulthood He has never let me go.
His love has led me, or followed me, through the valleys or sorrow and the highlands of joy,
Through times of want and years of abundance.
He has bridged impassable rivers and moved impossible mountains. Sometimes through me, sometimes in spite of me.
He seeks to accomplish His purpose in my life.
He has kept me through the stormy past.
He will secure and guide me through the perilous future.
I need never be afraid.
No matter how uncertain the months or years ahead of me.
How great is My God, and how I love to sing His praises
Call me! My shoulders Are large!
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