Single Mom Sabbath: When God stops you dead in your tracks.

During the years of counseling prior to my divorce, I remember asking one counselor over the phone if there was anything I was missing. I asked her if there was something I was blind to that I was not addressing.

As my marriage appeared to be failing, my only concern was disobeying God. I had tasted the pleasure of living in obedience...I had come to a place of realizing even if I could please no one else on the face of the earth I could please the living God.

My counselor answered with fear and trepidation (no one can give you permission to divorce). It's a faith journey between you and God. Lisa answered,  "Pam, you are an overcomer. You have persevered through childhood trauma of alcoholism, abuse, and much more. You have the strength to persevere through much but I think that strength might be working against you."

Because I am a persevering person I remain in difficult situations longer than some because of the hope I have in Christ that He is a miracle making God. Then there are the times, like this past Thursday, when He stops me dead in my tracks because He can't get my attention any other way.

I woke up at 2 am Friday morning with severe chest pain. It was as though someone had their hand around my heart as was squeezing it. After prayerful consideration I woke my daughter Mary Catherine up and requested a ride to the ER.

After 12 hours of questions, tests, and blood work, I was diagnosed as heart healthy. The stress test operator actually affirmed that, for an asthmatic, I performed outstanding.

Only once before has God used my health to get my attention. I had been ill with respiratory issues, job stress, and other single working mom woes for a full six months. I was driving back from Atlanta at the end of Spring Break with a fever I couldn't break. As Hannah, my fourteen year old,  sat next me I realized I could not continue with the current stressful job situation. I simply was unable to care well for the children God entrusted to me.

Upon returning home I began a forty day fast to seek the Lord. It was another act of obedience to my pastor and exhortation from my oldest daughter Lawren. Our church pastor had called a fast for our body. But it was my belief single moms need to eat often everyday in order to survive. I chose something other than food to fast from but fasted nonetheless.

Since I didn't have a particular request from God at the time, when tempted to break the fast, I simply prayed, "Lord, I want to know you more."

My body was too fatigued from the illness to worry about my future. I knew the truth that it was in God's hands. He was faithful to provide and would continue to be true to His character.

At the end of the fast, I could never have imagined the opportunity God would open for our family. He provided us with a small business in our community that has become a place of ministry to others: 

Graves Grocery: A Community Reststop.

A Place to Satisfy your Hunger and your Heart

Our little resting place. Thank you God.

June will make two years of being a small business owner. It is the most rewarding job I have ever had and satisfies my desire to be available for my children anytime. They stop by before and after school to eat. Often I even get to feed their friends.  It was what I loved during the years I could stay at home and homeschool my children. Even though God closed that season of my life He faithfully afforded a creative way for me to continue to minister to my children even though I had to return to work outside the home....I believe it was all because I fasted.

So today I officially begin a new fast as we enter into Holy Week. The prophet Isaiah in chapter 58 spoke on fasting to the people of Israel who were getting it wrong:

"Shout! A full-throated shout! Hold nothing back-a trumpet-blast shout! Tell my people what's wrong with their lives, face my family Jacob with their sins! They're busy, busy, busy, at worship, and love studying about me. To all appearances they're a nation of right-living people--law abiding, God-honoring. They ask me, "What's the right thing to do?' and love having me on their side. But they also complain, 'Why do we fast and you don't look our way? Why do we humble ourselves and you don't even notice? "Well, here's why: "The bottom line on your "fast days" is profit. You drive your employees much too hard. You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight. You fast, but you swing a mean fist. The kind of fasting you do won't get your prayers off the ground. Do you think this is the kind of fast I'm after: a day to show off humility? To put on a pious face and parade solemnly in black? Do you call that fasting, a fast day that I, God, would like?" 

My pastor says God is telling them they are all saturated with themselves...they are not restoring others. I don't want to be known as a person like that. So today I fast because God's stopped me dead in my tracks and I don't want to miss what He's trying to tell me...or what He's got waiting for me at the end. I want to fast like this:

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will be turned on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down and out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in the sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.'

So, as my friends tell me to rest more, I won't ignore their cry. I am making intentional changes to my diet. I am backing up my bedtime by an hour. 

Yet, I can not stop being who I am created to be in Christ:  a woman called to love and serve her family and others God's placed in my path. I will walk in the truth that the stripes He bore on Calvary have healed me of earthly diseases. I will believe He has given me a great capacity to love others because His love resides in me. I am His. He is mine. (John 15:4)  

And as I fast, I will wait patiently for Him to reveal Himself to me, like the prophet Habakkuk, will wait with anticipation.

Will you consider how this Holy Week you might hear from God. Normally I would never even admit I was fasting...it sounds pompous. Yet, I am finding many who struggle with basic knowledge of spiritual disciplines.

A fast, is a spiritual discipline to draw us closer to the Lord. It is not a requirement of God but an opportunity to know God better. Matthew 6:16-18

 When some are introduced to a concept of fasting they lack understanding that the fast is a personal journey with a loving heavenly father. So here's mine. This month I will fast from refined sugar and processed foods. I know it's a small change I can make to live healthier. When I am tempted to grab a Snicker's mini bar, I will say, "Lord, I want to know you more." And I will rely on His strength to keep walking pass the candy jar.

Your's will probably look totally different. Maybe you need a break from social media, drinking, shopping, etc. But will you choose something?

I can't wait to share what God reveals and hope you will do the same.

Happy Holy Week. 

Love, Pam